Nothing has caught my attention well enough to hold it. I never get interested in anything. I want to, but I can't.
I love fashion. I love everything about it. Keeping up with it, thinking about it. But I don't work in it.
I love tech. I love exploring AI, building things. But I don't want to go deep enough into it that I have to work under someone, or work just to earn money.
I can name the things I love. I just can't reach them right now.
What am I doing? What do I even like? What is the point of my existence?
It kills me. Oh my god. It kills me.
It's okay.
I've seen my father go through so much to bring us here. I've seen my mother endure so much to make sure we were educated. I've seen my brother work so hard to take care of the family, and still stay so grounded through all of it. I'm so thankful they're helping me navigate this phase, this phase where I'm not interested in anything. Grateful, and also aware of exactly what I'm being given.
I believe that people who have issues and are trying to solve them are some of the most powerful people. They recognize the pattern. They have the capability. They find the courage to work on it, speak about it, confront reality, and move toward it anyway.
I think that's an amazing quality. And yeah, I'm one of those people, so I'm probably biased. But think about it logically. It's remarkable that anyone handles that.
I don't know where I started. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where this is going.
But right now, I don't know where I am.
Right now, I don't know what I want.
Right now, I don't know.
I don't know.
I just don't know.
If you're reading this and any of it sounded like your own voice in your own head, you're not alone. That's the only reason I'm publishing it.